Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
Jerry SeinfeldI won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.
Jerry SeinfeldIt's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry SeinfeldWell, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
Jerry Seinfeld