Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket and away you go. As you make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang on to that bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.

The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied! I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

I've been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It's just something I'm very aware of.

I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.