You can't legislate stupidity.

Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their their patriotism through their actions, by their choice.

I'm not disparaging suicides when I call them weak, I'm pointing out that anybody who would consider doing a thing like that needs help. I don't think a normal, mentally healthy person commits suicide.

Personally, I think Julian Assange is a hero.

When I was governor, if I told a joke in front of the press - I learned. I would go, "That was a joke, joke, joke," and I'd say it three times.

My children were attacked by the Minnesota media when I was governor.

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.