You spend a good deal of your life gripping a baseball, and it turns out it was the other way around all the time.

Forget goals. Value the process.

Opening day -- or Opening Day. Depending on how you feel about it.

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, your stockbroker, and your publisher.

Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

For a hundred years, the owners screwed the players. For 25 years, the players have screwed the owners-they've got 75 years to go.