Opening day -- or Opening Day. Depending on how you feel about it.

You spend a good deal of your life gripping a baseball, and it turns out it was the other way around all the time.

Forget goals. Value the process.

Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

You're only as smart as your ERA.

Lots of people look up to Billy Martin. That's because he just knocked them down.