I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.

As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.

Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.

I grew up in Sheepshead Bay.

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.