Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like, "I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?" But at night you're like, "La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode. That Kirk Cameron's always in trouble."

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.

That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.