I lived across from a Catholic church for 15 years that I never went into. And then I got married to my wife and - you know, and now we're going in there every other day baptizing a kid.

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.

I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like, "I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?" But at night you're like, "La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode. That Kirk Cameron's always in trouble."

I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.