We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I guess we should do this for the old man, too." Father Day's is weird. It's like celebrating Darth Vader's birthday. It's odd I think. Even the gifts we give dads. Like neckties, which are just like a silk noose. Or books. Would you ever want someone from another generation to give you a book?

There are people that are vegetarians that love bacon.

Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.

What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.

I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.