I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You should be the head of the sitcom!" Or you're given no respect, where they're like, "You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down."

I've been outed as a Christian.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.

There's a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of people wanting you to do things.