I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"

That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.

This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."

It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.

I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as a comedian to be recognized and successful.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'