I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.

I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.

The ridiculousness and idiocy of life is embraced and examined. It nurtures the childhood perspective in everyone.