I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

You didn't question - kind of like, you would go to college. You would wear a tie to work. You would, you know, you would work for 40 years. And then you would play golf for three years, and then you would die. That was how I was raised.

I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.