I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, "The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling."

People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."

The reason I say I'm a horrible person is I don't want myself to be presented as somebody who's a great Catholic.

Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'

The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.

I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.