I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, "The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling."

The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You should be the head of the sitcom!" Or you're given no respect, where they're like, "You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down."

A lot of people are like, "You're doing commercials?" And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a lot of sitcoms I get offered. It's hard work, and I'm paid a lot of money, and I do it because I love the soda.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

My new years resolution? I will be less laz.

The reason I say I'm a horrible person is I don't want myself to be presented as somebody who's a great Catholic.

I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.