You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."

What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.

There was [ in New York] - some of it was this perception of the Midwest that I realized in this multicultural city that - and I don't think it's as true as it was - but everyone was kind of like, what, are you Jewish? Are you Italian? What are you? You know, are you black? Are you da-da-da? Are you Puerto Rican? And so I ended up - my ethnic identity was Midwestern, was white bread. And so it informed a lot of my stand-up.

I feel like, even in this crazy world of Trump getting elected and these things that really kind of caught me off-guard, I feel like I understand less than I did.

Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'