I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'

Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

I reached a point in my life where I didn't really like who I was.I was married to an amazing woman. I had children, and yet there was frustration.