Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of "sit back and wait your turn," or "sit back and wait and let other people do things."

Award shows are really silly. I'm very happy for the people that win the awards, and I can say they're really silly, but I would love to get one. So I also know wasting time on that is pointless.

I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”