Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
Jim GaffiganI'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.
Jim GaffiganBabies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
Jim GaffiganI don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."
Jim GaffiganI used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are printed so small even Superman would be nervous. And youโre reading from the Bible. Itโs not like you can just make something up and improvise. โA reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. Uhhh. Dear Corinthians, โฆ How was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Uh, tell Jesus โHey.โ This is the word of the Lord.
Jim Gaffigan