Most of those who spend their lives as critics secretly wish they'd be considered important enough for someone to bother criticizing them.

The average human's fundamental project is to find someone else to blame for their problems.

I'm arrogant enough to tell you that I'm smart enough to have scored higher on my Scholastic Aptitude Test than any US president whose SAT score has been made public. I even scored higher than ex-presidential candidate Al Gore, whose SAT score was so high, it was deemed as potentially off-putting to voters.

I definitely don't know why men are turned-on by lesbianism.

When I see two women kissing, my only physical reaction is a strong desire to vomit in both of their mouths.

The criticism that has most consistently bothered me is the allegation that I'm a schlockmeister whose only objective is to shock people.

What's good and bad, sweet spirit, are in the eye of the beholder.