If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

Before doing stand-up, I thought acting was easy - it's not easy. It's a hard life. It's easy in its own way, you just stand there and talk. But there is a difference between people who can do it well and people who can't.

God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging in the Bible Belt, because religious people don't come and see me.

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.