Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets.

Newspapers are so boring. How can you read a newspaper that starts with a 51-word lead sentence?

The other feature is a gymnasium named after another dead politician who was gifted with fast and extremely sure hands.

Go around with your eyes like a camera. Don't lose it by talking. Go and listen. And work!

Marvelous Marv was holding down first base. This is like saying Willie Sutton works at your bank.

The test of a good idea is its ability to last through a hangover

I always react to news immediately. That's my business.