[Writing] is edit, edit, edit. It's almost like getting a boat ready to go to sea. You've still got a countless number of things left to fix, but you've just got to go, "O.K., everybody get on the boat. We're going, ready or not."

Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew. Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw?

If there’s a heaven for me, I’m sure it has a beach attached.

If I couldn't laugh, I just would go insane. If we couldn't laugh, we just would go insane. If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.

This imitation Elvis may not be the king, but baby I'm the next best thing.

If life gives you limes, make margaritas.

My occupational hazard is my occupation's just not around.