I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial

A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say 'anyone but Donald Trump.'

You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'

Donald Trump announced that he's running for president. During his speech he told the crowd that if elected he would be 'the greatest jobs president that God ever created.' Then God said, 'Hey, don't drag me into this publicity stunt.'

I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.