Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with.

A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: 'To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?'

This weekend President Obama attended the annual Gridiron Club Dinner, and during his speech he joked that he is getting older and crankier. Which explains why he announced he no longer supports President Obama.

I like being absurd. Being silly.

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.