Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house.

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial

Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

I like doing energetic things.

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.

Yesterday the Supreme Court lifted the ban on same-sex marriage in Kansas. They didn't give a reason for the ruling, but then again when a state is famous for a Judy Garland musical about a rainbow and a wizard who comes out of a closet, do you really need an excuse?