There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

I never ever take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it's too late.

Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.

I have a utilitarian approach to dressing; as long as I quite like it and it covers me up, I don't care what it is.

I'm a real Kentish maid, you know.

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.