I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

A good culture in a hospital can absorb and manage a few bad nurses, but once the culture becomes bad in itself, bad nursing practice is much harder to hide.

I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.

Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them.

I think there's a danger that we're moving towards a state where the people we are expected to admire are almost not human anymore, and I don't like that. I prefer it when someone looks like a nice person, and you think, 'I could have a laugh with them in the pub.'

I think self-esteem is fluid. It's not a fixed state, and so some days are better than others.

An overweight guy went to the doctor who advised him to try a keep fit DVD. But the guy said he couldn't be bothered. “Well” suggested the doctor, “try something that leaves you a little short of breath.” So the buy took up smoking.