If you've earned a position, be proud of it. Don't hide it. I want to be recognized. When I hear people say, 'There's Joan Crawford!' I turn around and say, 'Hi! How are you!'

If you throw a lamb chop in the oven, what's to keep it from getting done?

If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

[To the mother of two unruly children in a restaurant after the woman said she really didn't know what to do with her children:] Have you tried infanticide?

If you start watching the oldies, you're in trouble. I feel ancient if "Grand Hotel" or "The Bride Wore Red" comes on. I have a sneaking regard for "Mildred Pierce", but the others do nothing for me.

Dammit, don't you dare ask God to help me!

Care for your clothes, like the good friends they are