Dammit, don't you dare ask God to help me!

Dammit, don't you dare ask God to help me!

If you throw a lamb chop in the oven, what's to keep it from getting done?

I used to wash my hands every ten minutes. I couldn't step out of the house unless I had gloves on. I wouldn't smoke a cigarette unless I opened the pack myself, and I would never use another cigarette out of that pack if someone else had touched it.

Any actress who appears in public without being well-groomed is digging her own grave.

Check out the very best of Hollywood jokes that will make you laugh

When television killed comedy and love stories, the movie makers went in slugging. They offered the downbeat, the degenerate as competition. This seems to me to be a sad campaign for Hollywood to use to combat box office disaster.