Policemen, like red squirrels, must be protected.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

The humble and meek are thirsting for lood

With madness, as with vomit, it's the passerby who receives the inconvenience.

I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.

The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.

People think I write fantasy, but I don't; some things may be exaggerated or distorted in the same way that painters distort and alter things, but they're realistic figures. They're perfectly recognisable.