May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

My relationship with my father is pretty non-existent.

The toughest thing about homework is getting mom and pop to agree on the same answer.

I was never one of those people who thought, 'What I really want to do is direct.' It never occurred to me.

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.

Most people play a fair game of golf - if you watch them.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.