If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

My hovercraft is full of eels.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself.

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

I think that I feel an indignation when I don't understand something.

My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn't doing this I'd be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.