I think forever is an incorrect concept.

The sun was a toddler insistently refusing to go to bed: It was past eight thirty and still light.

That's why people grow weary of listening to Dumpees obsess over their troubles: getting dumped is predictable, repetitive, and boring. They want to stay friends; they feel smothered; it's always them and it's never you; and afterward, you're devastated and their relieved; it's over for them and just starting for you.

Colin did not laugh. Instead he thought, Tampons have strings? Why? Of all the major human mysteries - God, the nature of the universe, etc. - he knew the least about tampons. To Colin, tampons were a little bit like grizzly bears: he was aware of their existence, but he'd never seen on in the wild, and didn't really care to.

You can't dingleberry that! That's a flagrant misuse of the dingleberry!

No reason to be angry. Anger just distracts from the all-encompassing sadness.

Right, except I'm not going to lie to my mom, because what kind of (man) lies to his own mother?