No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.

It's just that I learned a while ago that the best way to get people to like you is not to like them too much.

That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates a adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.

By far the best cure for hangovers is not drinking excessively the night before.This cure has a 100% success rate, and as you save the cost of the drinks you would have otherwise drunk, it is cheaper than free.

Crying is you, plus tears

Mental health days only exist for people who have the luxury of saying 'I don't want to deal with things today' and then can take the whole day off, while the rest of us are stuck fighting the fights we always fight, with no one really caring one way or another, unless...

You're not a little kid anymore. You need to make friends, get out of the house, and live your life.