It seems that every generation needs its public, tweedy, literary personality to sell its consumer electronics. To whatever degree I can live up to the Plimptonian legacy, I am humble and proud.

Unfortunately for humanity, I've gotten into the habit of providing my own closing music for shows by singing a song and playing the ukulele.

I say, if you're going to eat a creature alive, you have to expect some screaming. That is the carnivore's burden.

Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.

I would say aside from Moxie soda bottles and Masonic artifacts, there's nothing I really collect.

Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it's not that much fun.

People who run for president seriously and people who become president enter a bizarre secret society in which they have had an experience that none of us will ever have.