Why certain political classes want purposefully to keep Americans in a state of perpetual debt and uncertainty and why certain people don't want a middle class - because middle class creates a certain happiness. You know what I mean?

I don't care if I tell that story and John Roderick gets up afterward and yells, 'I hope you enjoyed the white privilege, mortality comedy of John Hodgman!' That's me!" I'm going to play a sad Handsome Family song at the end and I guarantee you everyone is going to love it because, sometimes, you need a grown man or woman to tell you what you like.

I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time.

This is one of the defining sorrows of books: that we cannot see one another.

I don't wish to brag, but I'm very intelligent.

People who run for president seriously and people who become president enter a bizarre secret society in which they have had an experience that none of us will ever have.

I actually own a copy of my own book; that's how dedicated I am as an author.