I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to do a whole comedy show about swimming in the loathsomely cold waters of Maine.

One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.

I actually own a copy of my own book; that's how dedicated I am as an author.

Generally speaking, I, like anyone else who does anything publicly, like it when people like what I do, and would like to hear as much.

I am not a villain.I'm an only-child narcissist monster, but I wish no ill, nor do I wish for world domination; what a hassle that would be!

As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.

All books should be trilogies; I mean I think we all agree on that.