I believe that the federal government should be laying down broadband like Eisenhower laid down interstates.

I suspect that when the truth ceases to be heartbreakingly funny, we will be in a better place and a happier society over all.

My candidacy is a compelling argument for my candidacy. I want to be President.

As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.

What I collect? Interesting jobs. Always to my thrill and excitement, but ultimately to my exhaustion, I collect interesting jobs. If an interesting job comes along, I take it; that's why I do so many things. I'm lucky to be able to.

In a mad moment, my family and I purchased a home in Maine because it's the place in the world that my wife loves better than any other place or any other human, and so I have committed my life and what had once been my economic security that has now returned to insecurity, to a patch of painful, rocky land on the shores of horrible, cold waters to a place where people go in the summer to experience autumn because leaves start falling on August 1.

There is a need for expertise, for real expertise. I'm not doing much to help that cause, but I think we can find the healthy balance between intellectualism and anti-intellectualism. Jocks and nerds may come together, I believe it.