My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong; now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.

On the three pigs he and his wife own: "We acquired the pigs last year. My wife was born on a pig farm and has always been very fond of pigs. Of course, they are for eating, which is why they are named Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. You wouldn’t want to eat Rufus, Marcus and Esmeralda.

I don't believe in children's books. I think after you've read Kidnapped, Treasure Island, and Huckleberry Finn, you're ready for anything.

The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.

The old middle-class prerogative of being permanently in a most filthy temper.

What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.