The old middle-class prerogative of being permanently in a most filthy temper.

The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.

The secret of good health and happiness is to have rather small illnesses throughout your life which you can rely on to stop you doing anything you don't want to do.

The worst fault of the working classes is telling their children they're not going to succeed, saying: There is life, but it's not for you.

When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.

On the three pigs he and his wife own: "We acquired the pigs last year. My wife was born on a pig farm and has always been very fond of pigs. Of course, they are for eating, which is why they are named Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. You wouldn’t want to eat Rufus, Marcus and Esmeralda.

Never shake hands with colleagues in court; the customers think you're making deals.