The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.

When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.

It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.

On the three pigs he and his wife own: "We acquired the pigs last year. My wife was born on a pig farm and has always been very fond of pigs. Of course, they are for eating, which is why they are named Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. You wouldn’t want to eat Rufus, Marcus and Esmeralda.

Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.

Never shake hands with colleagues in court; the customers think you're making deals.

The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.