No matter what your sexual preference or gender, no one likes a man who is fussy about his looks. You can spend as much time as you want looking good. But don`t do it in public.

Just make sure your children hate authority and they'll do fine.

I don't believe in depression. There's no such thing. It's an invention. It's bullshit, it's a cop out.

And my little sister Chrissy, for teaching me that life is nothing if you're not obsessed.

It took me a while to figure it out, but to have a real hit on Broadway, you have to get the respected Broadway people to like it. But then the production also has to appeal to the most middle-class people who know nothing about Broadway and who come to see it later.

I don't like heroin, unless you're a jazz musician and then you have to be on it because jazz is the sound of heroin.

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don't send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.