Anyone who tells you that it is better to have loved and lost that to never loved at all has never done both.

Why do fools fall in love? I'll tell you why, because everybody else has simply got too much else to do.

Anyone who tells you that it is better to have loved and lost that to never loved at all has never done both.

I have a lot of internalised tantrums. I secretly hope the worst and then I start planning my little speech for the beginning of it. Showers are the worst - all the time in the shower I'm planning the next time I'm going to lose it at someone, and then I never actually do. You're almost let down when people are nice.

My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.

I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection.

I don't really talk to people.