Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.

It's like America has a dog that's always shitting inside the house, and we solved the problem by getting a brown rug.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.

No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.