Well, I'm sold. I'll take one America.

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."

If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent. If I can be competent, and have moments of originality, that's all I would ask for.

Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.

I feel like [God]'s hazing us.