College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?

If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.'

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus.

I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been following time as it goes forward. What a classic mistake. Linear time is so pre-9-11.