Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?

Doing stand-up comedy is in the middle of a traffic jam getting everybody moving again.

Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.

I want you to admit that there is such a thing as white privilege.

Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire Torah was dictated by God verbatim to Moses at Mount Sinai... Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, I'm sorry, am I boring you? and What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?

I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.

President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.