If the president is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. Its vast and convoluted inner workings may be mysterious and unpleasant, but in the end they excrete a great deal of material whose successful passage is crucial to our nation's survival. This is Congress's duty.

I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.

What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?

Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.

What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?