Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

I kid because I'm on basic cable.

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus.

People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.

If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.'

In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in.