Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.

Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.

Technology. It's like science, only useless.

President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.

Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen if gay people are in it. Private, shoot that man! I can't, he's adorable.

Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?