Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.

I don't think marijuana should be illegal.

The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

The rise of secularism has brought about an increase in hostility toward things religious.

That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.

We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.