Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.
Jon StewartI thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Jon StewartIf you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
Jon StewartHappy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
Jon Stewart