I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36)

I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.

The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None.

The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.